LOVED????

It dawned on me today, that I don't think I've ever been loved.  I mean, I know I am loved by my sisters, nieces and my daughter.  But I've never had anyone really be "in love" with me.  My husband now, I know isn't in love with me.  I don't think he ever was.  He has been hung up on his exwife for years.  Even the first few times we went out...I had never met his ex-wife before...I didn't know what she looked like...and there was this lady at this club who was really short...and I said just that..."wow, that lady is short!"...and his reply to me was "Hey!!  Susie is short like that, don't talk about her like that!"  I was kind of shocked because I never meant any harm or wasn't being cruel.  I simply stated the woman was way short.  Many times I feel like I've been shorted.  :/  When I was pregnant with my daughter...I was lying on the couch covered up with blanket.  It was quite a chilly December.  One of his daughters was visiting that weekend and she, too, was all covered up in the bedroom...tons of blankets on her.  She told her Dad she needed another blanket.  He comes over, rips the blanket off of me and says "Kimbo needs this"...and just left me laying there.  Which brings me to allowances...I worked very hard for my money and made very little.  My pay check every two weeks was spent on paying him rent...yes, rent!  His child support.  Again, yes...his!   groceries and what bills I had.  I never had a dime left. Kim and Keri each received $30 per week.  I, on the other hand, got $10.  That was it.  $10.  I realize it was my own stupid fault.  But I thought he was the best.  His ex-wife was allowed to come in our home anytime...she even went thru my things...and he told me I couldn't say a thing,  That she was welcome there.  After all, his daughter lived with us.  I understand that, but she would make herself at home...I came home from work many times with her lounging on "my" couch, with her feet up on the coffee table.  ???  Lots of other things, too.  I will vent much later.  But that is pretty much what I've lived with for a long time.  I passed up on several great guys.  Hmmmm...maybe they would have loved me???  sigh.  Oh well...my fault.  No one to blame but "ME".